Suffocating Void

A KALTBLUT exclusive. Photography by Liliya Zhilina. The model is Gleb Terentiev signed at Diva Models Management. Fashion by Bat Norton and Tomsoyer.

“Random eye contact.
And I can already feel your cold clutch on my back.
Random touch I was not prepared for.
And I am falling straight into your suffocating embrace.
I drown in it, unable to stop you from tightening your grip around my chest.
And while I am there fighting you, finding my way back out of the darkness you spun me into,
I cannot stop asking the same question again and again.
Are you doing this to protect me or to shatter me into pieces so that you can eat me alive?

When I faced depression for the first time in my life I did not know how to cope and survive the emotional storm that came and hit me without a warning. And with depression, hidden trauma was revealed that brought anxiety into my life. At that time the spectre of emotions I experienced was so huge and complicated, I did not know how to talk about it without feeling ashamed, defective and broken. And when the words failed, art helped.

Nowadays a lot of us struggle with anxiety, depression, panic attacks and lots of other mental issues. We experience emotions that are hard to understand and explain to others, and to ourselves. These complicated feelings live within us “untitled” while we try to find the right words that would help us name them.

‘SUFFOCATING VOID’ – a photography project that explores and visualizes a feeling of anxiety one might experience as a result of trauma, and how dark and complicated anxiety can be. It shows one’s struggle to cope with emotions that arise, and how suffocating they can be when left unspoken. And most importantly it shows how important it is to talk about what’s hurting us from the inside and ask for help even when it’s hard to explain what is happening on an emotional level. Because there are people around us who will understand these “untitled” feelings, even when we don’t notice that they are standing right there, ready to help us in our darkest hours.”


“Feeling is a sensation we experience with a touch: both physical and spiritual. As a visual artist, I do not just see this world; I feel it. I create memories through emotional connection with everything that surrounds me. I narrate these intimate moments in photographs through metaphors and symbols, telling stories in feelings.

I explore the complexity of human emotions, and how they influence the opinions, we form about ourselves. With my works, I hope to engage viewers in a silent conversation with themselves, during which they would come to accept themselves as they are, with everything they are feeling.”

Photography by Liliya Zhilina / / Instagram: @iammeellz
The model is Gleb Terentiev signed at Diva Models Management / Instagram: @tereng_ts
Brands used are: Bat Norton, Tomsoyer

Instagram name of each brand: @batnorton_rus @tomsoyershop