“unconsciousness” is the second piece of the short story “The Short Deconstruction Of Love”. The story is written by the French artist Léo Lalanne-Berdouticq. Illustrations by Lauren Raaijmakers.
Part 5 – Pre Destruction
“But flaming youth in all it’s madness
Keeps nothing of its heart concealed:
It’s loves and hates, its joys and sadness,
Are babbled out and soon revealed.”
– Alexander Pushkin, Eugene Onegin
I remember when I first saw you again.
10:15pm – It was dark, the music was loud, the club was full and you were sitting over
there, on your own. You were present but away at the same time. Here for a reason
that you were not aware of. Your unconscious had unwittingly brought you here, where I was, also.
I could have seen someone else, I could have missed you, but my eyes were attracted
to you, to your dark hair and pale skin, reflecting the lights of this place, going green,
red, blue, following the rhythm of some cheesy pop songs.
From the minute I stepped in, you turned your head and smiled. My presence transported you.
10:29pm – My friends took me to the bar, clinging to my arms. I was dancing in the
crowd and directed myself to a glass of white wine that was waiting for me.
10:35pm – You first went to my friend, Anne, to whom you talked to for a few
minutes. I wondered if both of you knew each other; I wondered why Anne had never introduced me to you before.
You then looked at me and started walking towards me.
I felt anxious, I did not know what to say, as if it was the very first time I was seeing you.
My entire soul was trembling.
11:01pm – You were right in front of me, your hand on my shoulder and you said “Hi,
how are you doing ?” I could not hear anything, I asked you a few times to repeat
yourself and I finally understood and answered “I missed you”.
I remembered, this was all we said, for now.
You took my hand and started dancing. I followed you and forgot where I was, who I was with, time stopped.
“Ooh raise me up
I forgot to dance your name
Ooh raise me up
I will never dance again
You’re the one
I waited for your return
I slept with rocks
I slept with stones
Stone was my home”
– Hercules & Love Affair, Raise Me Up
All I could do was moving my arms and my body in the same way you were moving yours.
You and I were carried away by the birth of something we would later call Love, but
this for now was just a feeling where we both lost control.
The more we danced, the closer you got to my lips, the closer you got to my chest.
I was hypnotized by your brown eyes looking at me, almost never closing, as to not
miss any of the first seconds spent together. Both of your hands were on my neck, you kissed me.
Our second intimate contact, where suddenly, you and I were once again, offering ourselves to one another.
I knew from that kiss that I loved and would love you.
I knew from this love that I changed and would change you.
I knew from this change that I remembered and would remember you.
2:30am – What I was not aware of, is how destructive you became.
Part 6 – Destruction
Months later. Monday 12th of September 2014, 2:05pm.
That moment, that particular time. Where you became a stranger to me,
someone I could not recognize and spend hours, days, months with.
I looked at you, those eyes, I fell in love with, disappeared.
I looked at you, this character, I fell in love with, disappeared.
You became the shadow of your own misery. Your unconscious knew and realised it.
I was next to you, I was the one loving you and I could have been the one helping but you did not want to.
Days after days, you started rejecting me, through all sorts of behaviors. I believe you were not able to say it out loud, to be honest with your inner self so instead accepting, you were rejecting and projecting on me.
On the one you loved, but were not able to give anymore.
How frustrating could this be ? Loving from inside, hating from outside. I was the spectator of your own destruction, taking me slowly away from you. Then came the explosion, that moment, that particular time.
Your words made me bleed, your eyes made me cry, when weeks ago, they made me smile.
From reason to madness, the person I loved left your soul. The stranger I faced that afternoon destroyed us, when you tried to destroy me.
Violence became your protection, my destruction was your satisfaction.
You believed I was the problem when, you were.
Frustration is an indomitable feeling which brought us to an end.
Now, I only wish your well being.
I hope you will be able to face your issues and recover from your inner devils,
but I cannot fight your battle for you.
I cannot stay silent while you are destroying your surroundings. And indirectly yourself.
I loved you and leaving you is my protection.