CONNY is guaranteed to be an artist you are glad to have found without knowing you were looking for him. He offers a safe space without sexism while dealing with socially relevant topics, such as gender roles, toxic masculinity and depression. CONNY makes music with a lot of love for language and sees himself as a character who wants to be part of something bigger.
CONNY: You reached me a week before my holidays, which I’m longing for. Last year was super intense. In autumn, we went on tour for the first time and with the album release, festival season and the EP release all at the same time, there’s just been an incredible amount going on. This is very good, of course, because it shows that the project is growing. But for me, as an independent artist, and head of this whole story, it means a lot of work.
KALTBLUT: Do you manage to take some time off in between?
CONNY: This is a completely new situation for me. My former band “Der Plot” didn’t reach the level I’m at now with CONNY, so I have to get to used to this new life. I’ve been self-employed in my previous job, but in this music context and the music industry, I had to reorient myself.
I am in the process of establishing new structures, I want to spend more time with my loved ones. In the last few months, non-work meetups have decreased and if they disappear, you’re working 24/7. Making music or art should not feel like work and when it does, it becomes unhealthy.
KALTBLUT: Your career has changed a lot in the last few years, from software architect and project manager to rapper. How has your understanding of professional and artistic freedom evolved?
CONNY: The main change I’ve gone through in my head is how blatantly this creative process is tied to self-worth. There are a few simple markers by which I can pinpoint the feeling of “I’m worth something.”
For example, money: once a month you get paid your salary and that tells you what your value is in that work context. With my artistic work, I noticed that a lot more because there are fewer of these quantifiable markers in this field, especially when there was no regular pay in the beginning.
Now, I can pull something out of CONNY financially as well, although it’s still much less than what I used to earn. Working for eight hours a day, I was used to seeing very clearly what I had accomplished. Today, in the same amount of time, I can only get out half a verse.
We’re so used to seeing our work in measurable and tangible terms in front of us, and when that’s no longer the case, it can be a powerful blow to self-worth. I had to learn to deal with that first, and I still get to the point that I struggle with it a lot.
We’re so used to seeing our work in measurable and tangible terms in front of us, and when that’s no longer the case, it can be a powerful blow to self-worth.
KALTBLUT: Compared to the early days of your career, how has this process changed and progressed?
CONNY: On the one hand, self-worth is no longer supplied so much in many places, while on the other hand, the moments of self-efficacy have become much more intense for me. When I look at my songs, my videos and the idea of CONNY, I can say I did 100 % of that.
If people find that good or can get something out of it themselves, I have a feeling of self-efficacy and visibility, which I no longer want to exchange. With this, I justify having many more working hours today than I used to, because I am willing to invest this extra effort.
KALTBLUT: Is it difficult for you to be more visible now?
CONNY: In my lyrics, I deal with emotional, sensitive and intimate topics people feel addressed by. Some people then message me and tell me about their struggles. I want to respond with real feelings and not just three hearts on Instagram when someone tells me about their depression.
Sometimes it takes a lot for me to put myself so much into my emotional world to be able to formulate a genuine and authentic response. Recently, I got a message that someone went to see a therapist because I dealt with this topic a lot in my songs. That touches me a lot. Unfortunately, I don’t always manage to do that on top of everything else that goes along with this profession and life.
KALTBLUT: How do you feel about responsibility as an artist?
CONNY: There is a lot of talk about the extent to which one can separate art and the artist. Especially at a time when people actively reject this and cannot and do not want to take on this responsibility. I don’t think there’s an easy answer. Art no longer takes place only in explicitly exhibited art spaces. On a theatre stage, it is understandable that this art takes place in a non-real, exhibited space.
The moment I let these issues take place directly on the smartphone, in people’s homes, we have to talk about the idea of responsibility and the demarcation of art in a different way again. I don’t want to close myself off from this question but ask myself from an ethical point of view what I think is right about the relationship between artists and responsibility.
Art no longer takes place only in explicitly exhibited art spaces.
KALTBLUT: How would you describe your artistic work to someone who’s never heard of you?
CONNY: Emotionally cerebral. That describes such a nice contrast for me, but still fits very well. A CONNY song has a lot of lyrics and takes place somewhere between pop and rap.
I try in this lyricism and pensiveness to press emotional buttons. Especially a song like “Drake is not happy either”, which has a lot of lyrics, but over time comes to a point that can hurt. That’s exciting.
With pop music, I often have the feeling that it’s very simple in many places, and it’s all about this emotional moment. I was told for a long time that it wasn’t possible to make songs that were so text-heavy but still emotional. This was then all the more incentive for me to bring the counter-evidence.
KALTBLUT: You often address feminism in your music, and you are a man. People, especially the media, like to pounce on that. How do you deal with this symbolism often given to you?
CONNY: The reason I deal so much with feminist issues is ultimately very personal. For me, feminism is not an abstract, or academic topic that only takes place on a philosophical level in my head, but is very much anchored in my heart. There are so many facets to the whole topic, such as talking about depression as a man, or topics like romance, relationships, and love, which always bring up feminist aspects for me. I think about how my desire works as a man, how a relationship works, and how our roles are distributed in it. When I then see where feminism plays a role everywhere and how many areas are sorted under it, I can’t see it as limiting at all.
KALTBLUT: In your opinion, to what extent could feminism be addressed more in music?
CONNY: I would like to think about feminism radically. The word “radical” probably sets off alarm bells for a lot of people now, but what I mean by that is that I want to put into practice the things I say in my lyrics. I want to measure myself against that standard. For example, the team around CONNY is quota-based so that it consists of at least 50% FLINTA, and when new positions come up, we try to make them as female as possible.
In conversations with other people from the music industry, I often notice that they find what I do and how I do it cool and exciting, but they don’t want to say anything about it publicly because that could have consequences. Then they might have to look around their team and realise they are only surrounded by topless men and that could become uncomfortable.
I understand that’s difficult because that brings a whole different set of issues that you have to implement first. It can be difficult and often annoying, but it’s only when I realise that my actions also have consequences, I feel like something is happening.
KALTBLUT: In your song “Fürdichwürdich” you say: “I started to feel why they call masculinity a jail” – Are you still in jail too?
CONNY: Getting out of that jail is an incredibly exhausting and all-encompassing act. You theoretically have to relearn your entire lifetime all over again and meanwhile, life is happening all the time and new things, situations, and lessons keep coming up.
The big difference for me is being aware of why I have felt so constricted in my role as a man at times. I wouldn’t say by any means that I’ve been able to completely free myself from that so far. CONNY is a voice that narrates during his journey rather than from a perspective. That accounts for a lot of the authenticity and pain that people can then empathise with.
KALTBLUT: You often talk about courage in your lyrics. At this point in your journey, how do you define courage?
CONNY: I had a very interesting conversation with my therapist the other day about courage and fear. I’m always very excited before performances and stage fright is a big issue for me. I used to say I’m not courageous because I’m always afraid. She told me courage is not the absence of fear, but in the presence of fear, doing things anyway and that sounds pretty darn good to me.
KALTBLUT: In “Fürdichwürdich”, the term “modern day action hero” comes up. Can you be the role model today that you would have needed to be in the past?
CONNY: It would definitely like to be. When we talk about role models, I ask myself what I want to model myself on. When I look around at the genre I’m in, I realise I’m missing more complex characters that paint a softer picture of an emotional character for me. I would have liked that so much, especially in the past. Whether I am, others will have to decide on that.
Stream CONNY’s releases here and follow him on Instagram at @connycallsshotgun to keep up with his upcoming tour, scheduled in November.
Photos by @nielsfreidel
